Between Here and There

I've been sitting here dragging my feet.  I'm not in school. No closer to it then I was a year ago. I'm not really going anywhere with my life. I'm just sitting here doing the same thing everyday.  I go to work, eat, sleep, listen to my ipod sitting on my bed, chill on the computer, and on occasion watch some anime. 

I'm more active when J isn't here though.  He's at work tonight and I did some Tae Bo.  Billy Blanks makes me laugh and act silly.  He's just so serious all the time. I nearly peed my pants the first time I watched him do the whole "take a break and come right back" thing he does with the hand movements and everything!  However, I really like doing it, and I can feel it afterwords which I like.  

*sighs deeply*  I know I have to move back to Chicago.  I know it would be better for me in the long run.  Jason and I are on the rocks.  Store is closing.  Not any closer to school.  I'm just scared.  I don't have any friends up there, and I'm terrified that I am going to go all the way there and then just want to come back to NC again. That I will hate it there just as much as I do here.   I remember last year when I went home for six months. I couldn't wait to get back to NC.  

Lately though, things here have been driving me nuts. When I hear peoples accents it's like nails on a chalk board ( which is funny, cause I'm the accented one down here!).  I want to smack J all the time for his bad manners (he was raised country, but not deep country).  I want to run home where there is a more ethnicly diverse croud.  Where I can go and get good chinese food, or Indian, or Thai...  

But really the dread of potentally hating my store, and being lonely as all get out is terrifing me!  Because I do really like working for Starbucks, I don't want to leave that job.   

So my store is slated to close down.  We don't yet have a date, and most of the Baristas seem to think that we will pull off some miracle and stay open.  Sad thing is, our store is only four months old.  Our manager just moved here, and we all click so well.  People tell us every day that we are the best/friendliest store in town and that they don't understand why we're closing.  Granted on paper we look bad at the moment, but it's summer in a college town, and the road we are on is under heavy construction.  Just give us until the fall, and I'm positive that we will have numbers better then what they want.  I really don't want to leave my team.  We rock,

However, I am realistic and I'm trying my hardest to see this as a positive thing.  Like a big kick in the ass when I've been stagnating for too long.  Grandma's house is vacant.  She's in a retirement center with her sister and the house is paid for.  I've been told I can live in that house for free for atleast a year even if she were to die tomorrow.  More if my sister and I both move in and pay for the daily bills (gas, electric, taxes....), which, I really do think the two of us can swing. I'm just not sure that I can deal with Chicago people again.  

No offense, I love Chicago, I'm a Chicago person born and raised (they all think I'm a crazy yankee down here).  But there is something about the south that is just warmer.  Even when people are pissed off at us there are nicer then they are back home.  People are friendlier in general down here.  Plus I would really miss some of the staff.  I mean, we're all friends!  We chill together on weekends, we go out for a beer after all the stores close down.  That and I really don't want to go back to my old store.  My manager there wants me. However he may not be able to keep me on as a shift.  And regardless no one there listens to me since they all knew me as a Barista.  

J and I are also having some problems.  Things have been good since I have been talking about moving home, I think because we will both miss each other and we're comfortable right now.   We've been talking of breaking up on and off for a while now, and I think that this might be a good time to do that. So, I guess I've already decided, I just have to jump up and do it.  

I'm visiting home in three weeks (planned before the list was published), and I'm going to talk with the manager of one of the stores there, and see if I can get a position.   Even if it's not shift at first, they can't promise me shift here anyway.  And my manager here is going to train me up in Coffee Master to make a transfer look better for me. 

It's just all too much right now.  I like plans.  I like knowing when things are going to happen, and how it is all going to go down.  Right now I know nothing.  I have no real plan because I have no dates or info.  I hate things being up in the air and it's driving me nutters. 

On a totally random note, do the Vivanno drinks make anyone else have to pee a lot?  Cause seriously, every time I touch one I have to pee every ten minutes for like four hours!!! It's insane!

I can't remember my user name or password for my old account, it has been so long. So I figured I would start up a new one.  Actually, I got drawn back in by the Barista group.  I'm a shiftie at Starbucks currently.  No plans to do anything different in the near future.  School seems to continually slip though my fingers and run off full force.  So, for the time being this is my life.  It's better then most jobs, the company rocks and takes care of it's people for the most part.  I don't feel like a number.  

Too much is going on in my life right now.  People dying, a potential move, my store being slated to close down.  Everything is up in the air all the time, and it is getting to be too much for me at the moment.  I need somewhere to let it all out, and not worry about what anyone thinks, or whom may be reading it.  So there you are.  I'm just gonna get up and write.